What Once I Lost, But Now I've Found
by AlexxInWonderland
Summary: Katniss Everdeen is a girl who, through the experiences life has thrown her way, has lost the ability to trust and to love anyone new. She will eventually learn that it's ok to let someone in every once in a while. Contains mature language. Rating may be changed to "mature" for other reasons in later chapters. ;)
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One: Before the Reaping

I'm running through the forest faster than I ever would've thought possible and every now and then I glance back to see if I'm still being followed. I see him just as he's made his way around one of the various trees and I turn back to focus on outrunning him.

_Don't get caught, Katniss. Don't let him catch you. _

I continue to repeat those words over and over again as I press on, determined to get away, not that I had any specific place in mind that I could run to. I was just running, the destination didn't matter. I turn back one more time to check if I've still got a huge lead and the forest behind me is completely empty. I don't even hear his footsteps anymore. I smile smugly to myself and begin to slow, knowing that I've probably lost him, or rather, that he's probably lost me. What I wasn't prepared for was the huge tree root sticking out of the ground just a few feet in front of me. One second I'm running through the forest, the next I'm laying flat on my face in the dirt and fallen leaves that are scattered around the ground. I shoot a quick glance behind me to make sure he still hasn't caught up to me yet and sigh in relief as I realize he must still be far behind. As I begin to get up, I turn to face forward again and immediately bump my head into something solid that I was positive wasn't there before. When I realize who it is, I scream. Not in fear, but in surprise. To make matters more irritating, I find myself on the ground yet again as I look up into the bright grey eyes of my best friend, Gale Hawthorne.

He can't contain the obnoxious laugh that's escaping from his lips. I roll my eyes as I push myself off of the ground, ignoring his offered hand.

"You alright, Catnip?" He finally asks, after successfully ending his fit of laughter.

I glare at him and nod my head slightly, still angry that he was able to get ahead of me without me noticing. I might be losing my touch. I shake my head in frustration only to find Gale barely keeping a straight face. I try and stay serious, but staying mad at Gale is almost impossible and we both end up smiling at each other with ridiculously large grins plastered across our faces, looking like a bunch of idiots. He laughs quietly to himself, whether it's at or with me, I'll never know, before finally breaking the silence by saying, "Good. Oh, and by the way, I win."

I attempt to sock him in the arm, but he manages to move out of the way just in time and I end up slamming my fist into the nearest tree trunk instead. It didn't hurt much, but I seized the opportunity that was presented to me and went with it.

"Dammit, Gale!" I shout while looking down at my hand in an attempt to hide my smile. He automatically turns serious and reaches out to inspect my hand. While he's focusing on trying to examine it, I take advantage of his preoccupied state and push him hard enough to make him fall back without him getting hurt too badly. Then, I make a run for it again. I turn around after I've gotten a couple of feet ahead only to see him close behind with a huge smile on his face. I turn to face forward again, relieved that I haven't upset him with my little act.

After about 10 minutes of running I'm exhausted and begin to slow. It only takes Gale a couple of seconds to catch up and tackle me to the ground. We're both laughing in between gasps for air after all that running. I try to wrestle him off of me, but he's too big. At 6'3", with a body that's pretty much solid muscle, it's no wonder I can't get him off of me. He's huge. That's not to say I'm not strong or anything. I'm taller than most girls my age, standing at about 5'7" and I've definitely got more than enough muscle after the countless days of hunting and climbing trees with Gale, but it still doesn't even come close to Gale's strength.

Gale has me pinned to the ground with his legs placed on either side of my waste as he keeps my hands held together tightly with one of his and has them placed above my head. He slowly wipes away a smudge of dirt off my cheek but instead of removing his hand afterward, he leaves it pressed against my face. We stare into each other's eyes and I'm not sure what to think of what's happening. Gale has been my best friend for many years now and I can't imagine my life without him, but I've never really thought about anything other than having Gale as a best friend. Not because I can't see myself liking him that way, but because I can't risk losing him if he didn't reciprocate the feelings and things eventually got too awkward to continue being friends. That didn't seem like a risk worth taking so I decided to just not think about it.

But it's moments like these where I can't keep those feelings or thoughts from my mind. I look up into Gale's beautiful grey eyes and feel like I can see straight through him all the way to the center of his being. All the way to his soul. Gale and I share a bond that I've never had with anyone else. He knows me better than I know myself sometimes, and I know I know him just as well. I look up into his bright grey eyes and I feel safe. I feel the love I know he has for me, even if it isn't the kind that I sometimes think I have for him. With that last thought, I'm pulled out of my jumbled up thoughts in my head and back into the present, back to reality. I'm brought back to my current state, laying flat on my back; being pinned to the floor by the lovely Mr. Hawthorne. I can't stop the blush that suddenly rushes to my cheeks and to be honest, I'm not quite sure what exactly brought it on. But from Gale's point of view, I probably seem like his pathetic best friend who hasn't been in a situation like this with a guy before. I immediately realize that's probably exactly what he's thinking because he starts laughing again and I'm sure it's at me. I look away, embarrassed by my body's reaction to Gale being on top of me and frustrated with the fact that my face is like an open book with everything I'm feeling or thinking displayed for the world to see at all times. Gale, not being one to miss anything, sees my embarrassment and almost immediately stops laughing. He looks down at me with a gentle expression and then slowly begins to lean a little closer. I freeze beneath him, shocked by this sudden change of events. He continues to bend down until our noses are touching and I can feel his breath against my face and then we wait. I stay, unmoving and unsure of what to say or do, and he stays pressed against me, measuring my reaction to what's happening.

Gale is the first to break the silence, and he does it by simply whispering my name.

"Katniss.."

He pauses and closes his eyes. Then, he opens them and our eyes meet. I try to decipher what he's thinking or what he might be trying to say but my mind draws a blank. Frankly, this is all so weird and unexpected that I have no idea what could possibly be going through his head right now.

He starts again, "Katniss.. I don't know how else to say this so I'm just going to come out and say it.. Run away with me. Please. I know this is kind of out of nowhere, but aren't you sick of living the way we do? Aren't you sick of living the way the Capitol wants us to live and having to follow all their stupid rules? We don't have to live like this!"

He goes from whispering to shouting within seconds and then he's on a roll and the shouting just keeps coming. I try to stop him and say something but before I can even get a word out, he's already cut me off and started talking again.

"We could run away, right now. We could bring our families with us and just leave. Anywhere would be better than District 12. We can hunt like we always do and we can build a little cabin somewhere in the woods or anywhere you want. It could work, I know it! I can't go through another year like this. I can't handle all the fear that the Capitol causes everyone to feel. I can't. No, I _won't, _sit through another reaping with the fear of my name being drawn, or worse, _yours_. I can't lose you, Catnip. I _won't_."

His eyes are blazing with this sudden emotion and they seem watery, as if he is almost about to cry, but I know he'd never allow himself to cry in front of me. I don't think anyone has seen Gale cry. At least, I know I haven't. This is the most emotion Gale has put into anything in a long time and it's about running away.. With _me_. He gets off of me and moves to sit beside me and all I can think to do is hug him, so I do. I don't know how else to make him feel better. I've never been good with words and I've never seen Gale like this before, but it seems to work because when I pull away, he's got a small smile on his face and he seems to have calmed down a bit.

"Gale," I begin as calmly as possible, "I understand what you're saying, and you know I hate the Capitol just as much as you do, but let's be realistic here.. We can't run away. It would never work, and we'd just end up getting caught and punished. I can't take that risk with my family and I know you won't want to either. It's a nice thought, but we can't. The reaping is in four days, it won't go unnoticed if all of a sudden, both of our families have disappeared."

He looks at me with a strange look on his face before shaking his head slightly and then looking back at me with his signature Gale smirk. I can sense some hurt behind his expression but it disappears as quickly as it came. I knew whatever that little episode was, it was over now and my Gale was back, I just wasn't sure what made him leave in the first place. I always knew he had a problem with the Capitol, and especially President Snow. We both did, but I'd never heard him talk like that before. About leaving and starting over. I shook my head to clear it and started to get up. It really was a nice thought. I'd love to live with Prim and my mother, along with Gale and his family, knowing that they were all safe and far away from the capitol and its sick ways of punishment, such as the Games. But the idea is still ridiculous. Things are never going to change, and the two of us running away with our families would do more harm than good. I'm standing up but Gale is still on the ground, staring off into space with a thoughtful expression on his face. I move to stand in front of him.

"Earth to Gale!" I shout and then smile at him as he looks up at me with an amused expression. I hold out my hand and he takes it willingly as I move to pull him up off the floor.

"Thanks." He says with a small smile, and then that's it for talking. We're back into our zone, where communication isn't necessary. Glances work just as well, especially since I know pretty much exactly what he's trying to say through any glance he shoots my way just as well as I would if he'd spoken the thought aloud. We start jogging back toward the fence, stopping by all the traps we set along the way before we decided to play our little game. As we approach the fence -which is wrapped in electrical wires even though I've never once seen them on in the 16 years of my existence- we've surprisingly got quite the haul, especially since we spent most of the afternoon messing around instead of actually hunting. We've caught two squirrels and six rabbits.

We divide the food evenly between us and head over to the Hob to sell some of it before we go home for the day. As we walk in to the familiar building, I immediately spot Greasy Sae behind her booth selling her infamous wild dog stew. I make my way over to her and once she sees Gale and me, she turns to make us each a bowl. We both take a seat and begin to eat. I devour the soup before me faster then I should have, and I burned my tongue in the process, but I couldn't help it. I didn't realize how hungry I was. Then again, I hadn't eaten all day. I look up from my empty bowl to see Gale has done the same, and finished just as fast as I have. We smile at each other before reaching into our pockets for change but Greasy Sae stops us before we have the chance to pull any money out.

"It's on the house today. You two look famished. Take care of yourselves, ya hear? I don't want you two getting sick or anything before this year's reaping," She says.

Gale is the first to respond and he gives her what looks like a charming smile- but I know him better than that and I can see the annoyance behind it- before saying "Thanks."

I nod my appreciation and we both get up to leave. I decide that I'm only going to sell one of my rabbits and the squirrel, but Gale decides to keep his. He's got a larger family than I do. Once I've placed the money I've just made into my pocket I turn to Gale to let him know I'm ready to leave and we both make our way out of the Hob and down to the Seam. My house is closest so I need to talk quickly if I want to get any answers out of him. I turn to look at him and I catch him staring at me with a small smile on his face. I smile back, almost shyly before asking him what's been on my mind.

"Hey, Gale?" I ask.

"Yeah?"

"Don't be angry with me for bringing this up again, but I'm just curious why you are so touchy about the Games this year? I mean, I know it bothers you, but it bothers everyone. You've never been this worked up over it before.."

I notice a little late that he's stopped walking and I turn to walk back over to him only to find him deep in thought. I give him time though. Finally, he seems to snap out of his thoughts and back to me and our conversation and he looks up with somewhat of a pained expression, one that I really wasn't expecting. I immediately regret bringing it up. I don't like seeing Gale like this. I open my mouth to say something, but he's already started speaking.

"Katniss, you don't understand, I was being serious when I asked you to run away with me. I've been thinking about this.. You.. _Us_ a lot lately. I can't just sit through another reaping. Rory and Vick will eventually come of age and their names will be put into the drawing and Posy soon afterwards. This is my last year. Don't you understand? This is my _last_ year. How am I supposed to just sit back and watch if either of them is called? I won't be able to do _anything._ You've still got two more years, what if your name is called? Katniss, I can't lose you. That's why I've been so 'touchy' about it..." he says the last part sarcastically, "I can't watch everyone I love go through that when I'll be standing safely in the audience. I won't be able to protect you after this year."

"Gale, I understand why you're worried and I'm.. Sorry." I say awkwardly. "I'm sorry it has to be this way, but there's nothing we can do to change anything. This is how it's always been and this is how it's going to stay as long as the Capitol is in control." By the time I finish speaking, my voice is just above a whisper and I look down awkwardly at my intertwined fingers, unsure of what else to say to him.

We've both been quiet for so long that I have to look up to see what he's thinking. He seems to be having some kind of internal struggle with himself.. As if he's fighting with what he wants to say next.

Finally, his eyes meet mine and he seems to have decided what he wants to say.

"Katniss, I.. it could.." he pauses and takes a breath, "Never mind," he says and then runs his hands through his hair in what looks like frustration as I try to understand the agitated expression on his face. He shakes his head slightly before continuing, "Never mind, it can wait.." he says almost uncertainly. He turns to leave, and I stand there in confusion, unsure of what's just happened and what exactly he was trying to say.

"I'll see you later, Catnip" he says with a smile that doesn't reach his eyes and then he walks away, leaving me at the gate in front of my house in a state of utter confusion.

I turn to walk towards my house, worried that Gale's agitated state has to do with more than just the upcoming reaping and unsure of how to feel about his strange behavior. As I close the front door, the last thing that goes through my mind is _how do I help Gale? I need to be there for him like he's always been there for me. I need to be there for my best friend._


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:** **Hello, all! Apologies in advance for the A/N you are about to read. I promise to try and keep them from being this long again. **

**First thing's first, I would like my DISCLAIMER to count for this chapter, as well as the last. I can't believe I didn't post one for my very first chapter! Anyway, this story as well as the characters are all based off of the wonderful and talented work of the amazing and gifted Suzanne Collins (unless stated otherwise). I'll only take credit for the twists in her original storyline/plot. All of my own characters that I may choose to introduce into the story will be stated as such. However, nothing I've written would've been possible without her original work. So, thank you, SC! **

**Secondly, as you all may have noticed, this is my first story that I have decided to share. I would really appreciate any and all opinions, feedback, criticism, etc. that you are willing to provide. Any and all REVIEWS are welcome and will happily be read over and responded to. I'm only looking for ways to better my writing and I feel that can only be done with the help of my readers and the voicing of their opinions! I promise, I'm not fishing for compliments; on the contrary actually, I'm just looking for your thoughts. Originally, I had decided to post every weekend, but I may be tempted to post sooner and more frequently if enough people request it. **

**Also, on an unrelated note, I've been working on a Hermione/Draco (Dramione) story, so to all the Harry Potter lovers, keep an eye out for that one! I'm proud to say the storyline is different from ANY I've come across and that's saying something because I have read my fair share - an embarrassing amount, if I'm being honest- of Dramione fics. **

**Finally, I may be looking for a BETA in the near future. I've got 7 stories in the works -this one being my main priority of course- and posting will be more frequent if I have a second pair of eyes to go over what I've written to help catch any mistakes I may have made or missed. That can be the job of all my readers as well. If you find a mistake, please let me know! :) **

**Well, I think those were all the points I wanted to mention. **

**And now, without further ado (and yes, it is ado, not _adieu_) I give you...**

Chapter Two: The Reaping

I wake up to the sun shining brightly through my window. I decided I didn't need to wake up early to hunt with Gale this morning because we'd caught more than usual yesterday. Well, that, and I didn't really want to see him before the reaping. He's been acting really strange ever since that day in the woods. It wasn't just a weird mood that he'd eventually snap out of. Gale has completely changed. In the past four days, Gale has started treating me less like an equal and more like some fragile child incapable of doing anything on her own. I tripped over some tangled roots in the forest yesterday, and couldn't even laugh at how ridiculously embarrassed I felt for not seeing them –even though they were in plain sight- because he immediately rushed to my side to examine every visible part of my body, making sure I hadn't broken anything. It was weird. He's been so serious around me lately and I don't know why. I've also caught him staring at me a lot lately.. I'm not sure if it's just my mind playing tricks on me or if I'm actually seeing what I think I'm seeing, but the look he keeps giving me looks like one of.. I don't know. I can't tell. But I do know that the last thing I wanted to do was see him before the reaping, especially after how touchy he's been around me lately.

I sit up on my bed and stretch, still tired after only two hours of sleep. I tossed and turned all night until I finally fell asleep. I couldn't help but worry about Prim. Yes, her name's only in the drawing once, but I can't not fear for the worst.

I hear a soft knock on my door. "Come in," I call out.

Prim walks in fully dressed and smiling her brilliant smile. She's wearing my old reaping outfit. After I outgrew it, I passed it down to her. She spins around to show me how it fits and I attempt to suppress the laugh that threatens to escape my lips as I notice the back of her blouse hanging out in a "V" shape.

"Come here, little duck," I say, waving her toward me.

She laughs her wonderful laugh and walks over to me. "Quack, quack," she says with a wink.

I stand up from the bed to help her tuck in her blouse. "You look wonderful, Prim."

"Thanks! Oh, and mother wanted me to tell you that she laid out an outfit for you in her room."

I look at her questioningly before leaving to go see what my mother intended for me to wear.

I walk into her room to find a beautiful blue dress and a nice pair of black dress shoes. It's the same blue dress I found years ago in her closet. I couldn't stop myself from trying it on and I remember my mother walking in on me twirling around in circles, admiring the dress. She, of course, flipped and made me take it off immediately. I can't believe she's letting me wear it today.

I bend down to pick it up, anxious to try it on again.

A couple of minutes later, I'm fully dressed, having slipped on my last shoe. I walk over to the small cracked mirror on the wall and give myself the once over. My hair is a mess as usual, since it never wants to cooperate, but the dress fits me well. Right then, my mother walks in and smiles as she finds me in her dress.

"Katniss, you look stunning," she says with a kind smile, "May I do your hair?"

I nod slightly in answer. She motions for me to sit down and then begins to brush out my hair. Fifteen minutes later, my mother is tying off one of her signature braids styled perfectly down my back. I've always loved when my mother did my hair, but these past years I've tried to rely on her as little as possible, even with things as simple as her doing my hair. After my father died in the mining accident, she went into a state of depression and I was left to care for the family, at the mere age of eleven. I'll probably never forgive her for that, even if her reaction was somewhat understandable, she wasn't the only one going through it. We all were having a hard time coping with my father's death. She, of all people, should have been our rock, not the cause of further problems and disappointment.

I push those thoughts aside and smile at my reflection, finally satisfied with the way I look.

I learn that Prim and my mother have already eaten, which is probably a good thing because I don't think I can stomach anything at the moment. I'm just too anxious. I've got a bad feeling about this reaping.

We make our way outside and down the streets of the Seam to the square. My mother has been silent the whole way, not that Prim or I were talking much either. We tried with small talk, but the fake cheeriness behind our words only made things worse. There was nothing cheerful about the reaping. The check-in area is now in sight and I turn to my mother who looks like she's on the verge of a breakdown. I'm trying to think of something to say or do but that's unnecessary because she soon envelops me in a hug and then moves to hug Prim. That's it. There isn't anything to say, and we all know it. She leaves to stand with the other parents and family members of the children of District 12 and Prim and I make our way to the lines. After they've pricked our fingers and checked us in, we have to separate. Prim is trying to be strong, but I can see how scared she is. I hug her tight.

"Prim, everything is going to be ok. I promise. It'll all be fine. Go stand in your section and I'll see you afterwards, ok?"

She gives me a small nod in reply and turns to stand with the other children her age.

_This is it. Everything's going to be fine. Don't freak out, Katniss._ I make my way over to my section and stand, waiting like everyone else, for the opening speech. I look around for Gale, but I can't find him. I'm sure he's here somewhere, but I can't help but worry_. He wouldn't leave without me, would he? _

Just then, the lovely Effie Trinket walks out onto the stage in her absolutely ridiculous all pink outfit and bright pink wig. She looks worse every time I see her. She begins her speech about the history of the Games and how much of an honor it would be to be chosen or to have our names drawn, then we watch the video of District 13 being destroyed, and finally, it's time for the drawing. She adds in the Capitol's signature saying "May the odds be ever in your favor" and begins.

Effie Trinket says as she always does, "Ladies first!" and crosses to the glass ball with the girls' names. She reaches in and pulls out a slip of paper. The crowd draws in a collective breathe and then it's complete silence. The fear of anyone I know being chosen has long since left me. I find myself repeating the same words over and over, hoping it's not me. _Please don't let it be me._

Effie Trinket crosses back over to the podium, smoothes out the slip of paper, and reads out the name in a clear voice. And it's not me.

It's Primrose Everdeen.

I feel like I've just had the wind knocked out of me. I can't breathe. I can't think. Time stops. There must be some mistake! Prim only had one slip of paper in there, amongst thousands of others. The odds had been entirely in her favor. But that didn't matter.

_Not Prim! _I'd heard a scream from the audience and thought nothing of it, too lost in my own mind. But, I soon realize it's my mother.

And then I see her, the blood drained completely from her face, hands clenched in fists by her sides, walking with small, stiff steps towards the stage, passing me, and I see the back of her blouse has become untucked again and is hanging over her skirt. It's this small detail, the untucked blouse forming her little ducktail that brings me back to myself. "Stop! Prim!" The strangled cry escapes my lips and my muscles begin to move again.

"Prim!"

There's no need to push through the crowd, they've already cleared a path for me. I reach her just as she's about the walk up the steps and with the sweep of an arm; I have her standing behind me, safe.

"I volunteer!" I gasp. "I volunteer as tribute!"

There's some confusion on the stage, but finally Effie Trinket speaks.

"Lovely! But normally we'd introduce the reaping winner and then ask for volunteers, and um.." she continues unsure of herself. District 12 hasn't had a volunteer in decades. Everyone is a little rusty on the rules. "Never mind, come forward please."

By now, Prim is hysterical behind me, refusing to let go of me.

"No! Katniss, No! You can't go!" She cries out.

"Prim, let me go." I say a little too harshly, but it's better that way. She's making me want to cry, and I can't do that in front of all these people. I'll immediately be labeled as an easy target. "Let go, Prim" I say with a note of finality, hoping that she realizes the last thing I can deal with right now is arguing with her.

Finally, I feel her release me and I turn to see Gale has her in his arms. I regret meeting his eyes the second I do. Never in my life have I seen so much pain in someone's eyes like that before. It was enough to make me want to break down right there. But I couldn't let myself. By this point, I couldn't even fake a smile.

"Up you go, Catnip" he says, in a voice he's fighting to keep steady. And then he turns to take Prim over to my mother. I steel myself, and begin to climb the steps.

I meet Effie Trinket at the top of the stairs and am welcomed by one of the most disgustingly cheerful expressions.

"And what might your name be?" She smiles brightly at me.

I swallow hard attempting to dislodge the giant object that has suddenly worked itself into my throat and say "Katniss Everdeen."

"Oh, lovely! I'll bet that was your sister over there. Come on, everyone! Let's give a big round of applause to our newest tribute!"

Not a single person claps. I stand there, unmoving, while they take part in the boldest form of dissent they can manage. Silence. Which says we do not agree. This is _wrong_.

Then, something even more shocking happens. At least, I didn't expect it because I'd never have thought District 12 cared enough about me to do this. But a shift has occurred since I stepped up to take Prim's place. At first one, then another, then almost the whole crowd touches their three middle fingers of their left hands to their lips and then holds it out to me. It's a rarely used gesture of District 12, which is occasionally seen at funerals. It means, or at least I think it means admiration. It means goodbye to someone you love.

Now I am truly in danger of crying. I look out into the crowd with an expression that I hope is void of any fear and as I look out at all the people, one face catches my eye. It's the boy with the bread. He is looking at me with an odd expression, like he's trying to figure something out, and he's thinking really hard about it. I look away and go back to staring at nothing in particular. Hoping that will keep my emotions that are threatening to expose just how frightened I really am at bay.

Effie Trinket clears her throat and announces, "Well, there's more excitement to come! It's time to pick the boy tribute!"

She crosses the stage to the ball that contains the boys' names and grabs the first slip she touches and quickly makes her way back to the podium. I don't even have time to think, she's already reading the name.

"Gale Hawthorne!"

No, the odds are not in my favor today. I can feel myself shaking and I desperately search the crowd, looking for my best friend, but I can't find him. There's too much commotion. And finally, I meet his bright grey eyes, and find something I wasn't expecting. Relief? How is he not freaking out? How dare him! This can't be happening. I'm going into the arena with Gale. I'm going into the arena with Gale? No! That means.. No! This can't be happening! I have to kill Gale. He makes his way through the crowd, a determined look on his face. He's scared, but he's also.. What? Happy? What is this?

And then I hear it.

"I volunteer as tribute!" And the crowd goes silent. Not a single person says anything. Everyone is looking around in shock to find where the words came from. And finally, all eyes fall on _him, _on the boy with the bread.

The expression on his face is one of shock, probably because he's just volunteered as tribute for someone he's never even talked to before. Fear, that he's going into the arena, and resolution. But why? Why is he so eager to be in the Games?

He makes his way through the astounded crowd, ignoring their questioning and confused expressions, and begins to mount the steps at the bottom of the stage.

Effie Trinket meets him at the top of the stairs and walks him over to where I'm standing.

"And what's your name?" she asks brightly.

There's a brief pause before he replies with "Peeta Mellark."

"How lovely, two Volunteers! What an excellent day it is!" she says with her sickening Capitol accent.

_Why him? _I think. Then I try to convince myself it doesn't matter. Peeta Mellark and I are not friends. Not even neighbors. We don't speak. Our only real interaction happened years ago. He's probably forgotten it. But I haven't and I know I never will..

I glance out into the crowd and see that Gale is being restrained by a few boys in his class. He's obviously furious, but, if I'm being honest, I'm relieved. This way, I'll know my family is safe and has food on their table now that Gale isn't leaving District 12 with me.

The mayor makes his way over to us and motions for us to shake hands. Peeta looks me right in the eye and gives my hand what I assume is supposed to be a reassuring squeeze, but I can't be sure. I could've just imagined it. Why would he be trying to reassure me? Why did he volunteer in the first place? None of this makes sense. I've got my suspicions about the boy with the bread.

We turn back to face the crowd as the anthem of Panem begins to play.

_Oh, well. There will be twenty-four of us in the arena. Odds are one of them will kill him first. _

Of course, the odds haven't been in my favor today..

As the anthem comes to an end, a group of Peacekeepers surround us and takes us in to the Justice Building.

I'm instructed to go to a room on the left. Once I'm inside, I begin to pace, trying to calm myself. I can't afford to get upset now. I managed to remain somewhat composed out on the stage, but I can't let myself cry now either. Leaving this room with puffy eyes and a red nose isn't an option. There'll be cameras at the train station.

Prim and my mother are the first to come in. I embrace them both silently and we all just stand there for a few minutes. I finally pull away and begin to tell them what needs to be done now that I'm leaving.

"Gale will bring you game regularly and Prim can sell goat milk and cheese to help bring in more money. Mother, you can continue running the apothecary business. Prim, whatever you do, you are not to take any tesserae under any circumstances" They both nod in reply. Now I turn my attention fully to my mother. "You have to be here for her this time. You can't leave Prim on her own to take care of herself now that I'm not here to keep you both alive. Listen to me." I grab her arm and she's shocked by my actions. "Are you listening to me? You need to be here for her." My mother's eyes find the floor and she nods in understanding.

"I know, I.. It won't happen again." She says quietly.

I continue, "And no matter what you see on that screen or what happens to me, you have to promise me you'll fight through it. For Prim." My voice cracks at the end, with the realization that I might not be coming home.

"I'll be alright, Katniss." Prim pipes up. "But you have to be careful. You're so strong and brave. Maybe.. Maybe you can win this.. And come home?" She says with tears in her eyes.

I force a smile. "Maybe, little duck."

She's glaring at me now. "I just want you to come home. You will try, right? Promise?"

"I swear it." And I know, because of Prim, I'll have to win.

We're all hugging again and all I'm saying is "I love you. I love you both so much." And then the moment is over. The Peacekeepers come in and ask them to leave. Prim is hysterical again, and I turn away, unable to look at her anymore.

I sit down and place my face in my hands. _How am I going to do this?_

There's a soft knock on the door, and I'm surprised to find that it's Madge, the mayor's daughter. She walks in and sits down beside me. She begins urgently, "Katniss, you're allowed to wear one thing from your district. To remind you of home. Will you wear this pin?"

"Your pin?"

She doesn't wait for an answer. She begins to pin the golden bird to my dress. Then she stands, and gives me one more gift. A kiss on the cheek. "Promise me you'll wear it in the arena?" I nod. And she leaves.

I sit, confused by what just happened, and the door opens once more. It's Gale. I immediately get up and his arms are open and waiting for me. I don't hesitate to go into them. I look up and see that he looks pissed off. I pull away and he begins, "Who the hell does that Mellark kid think he is? How _dare _he volunteer as tribute! He doesn't even know me. He doesn't even know you! Katniss, I was supposed to be going into the arena with you. I need to keep you safe. I have to be there to protect you!" He stops at my expression, I'm sure.

"Gale Hawthorne, how dare you continue to treat me like I'm some sort of incompetent child who is incapable of defending herself! I'm sick of this. What's going on? Why are you acting like this? Why aren't you happy you aren't going into the games? Gale, we'd have to _kill_ each other. Don't you understand? Peeta saved you. I don't know why, but I'm still glad he did. I could never kill you. Why would you want to be there? And why the hell are you so upset?"

He takes a deep, steadying breath and looks into my eyes. I gasp. He's crying. Gale is actually crying. _Oh, no! Not now! I've done so well. I can't cry now! _ "I need to keep you safe, Katniss. I need to be there to protect you."

I shake my head. "Gale, stop. You don't. You _need_ to be here for the kids. They need you more than I do."

He comes up close to me and grabs me by the arms. "I can't lose you, Katniss. I love you." And then he kisses me. I'm caught by surprise, obviously. First he says he loves me, and then he practically attacks me with a kiss. He's a mess. And I don't care. I find myself kissing him back, and realize how long I've wanted to do this. He starts to break away and pecks my lips gently once more before pulling away completely. "I love you." He repeats with a smile as if he's relieved to be saying it, like he's been wanting to for a while. And I just stare at him. Incapable of saying the words back to him. Never have three words been so hard to say, but I can't bring myself to say them back. It isn't the right time. But when will be the right time? I might not ever see Gale again after this. _This could be the last time I see Gale_. The realization hits me like a punch to the gut. And it hurts, _so_ bad.

He doesn't seem to mind that I don't say anything back, like he wasn't expecting me to. Which makes sense, since it was completely out of nowhere. So he starts talking again, "Katniss, I'm sure you've heard this already, but I'm being completely serious when I say this. You _have_ to win." His voice cracks. "I just.. You need to come home, for Prim and your mother. For me. Please, try. You can do this." And then he goes into his serious hunting mode. This is the Gale I know, and I welcome its familiarity.

"Listen, getting a knife should be pretty easy. What you need to focus on getting is a bow. If you can't find one, make it."

I cut him off, "But Gale, I've tried making one. I'm no good at it. I don't even know if there'll be wood." I finish lamely. And I know I'm wrong, of course there'll be wood. Especially after the Games a couple of years ago where most of the tributes died from freezing to death. The capitol didn't find that nearly as entertaining as if they'd have killed themselves. They won't make that mistake again. Gale is giving me a knowing look like he's just read my thoughts and knows I'm just making excuses.

"Even a weak bow is better than not having one at all." He says. "Katniss, it's just hunting. Pretend you're hunting with me in the woods."

"Gale, these are people! They have minds of their own and they'll have weapons to fight back with." I argue.

"You know how to kill."

I shake my head, "Not people."

"It can't be that different. Especially if you need to do it to survive."

And the scary thing is, if I can actually make myself forget they're people, it won't be any different at all.

The Peacekeepers come in and are taking Gale away. I panic. "Don't let them starve, Gale! Take care of Prim!"

And all he says is "I love you, Catnip." And the doors close, leaving me alone, once again, in this big, fancy room with nothing but my hectic thoughts to keep me company.

The Peacekeepers return and tell me it's time to go. I follow behind them silently.

We're at the train station and all of District 12 has shown up to wish us farewell. There are cameras everywhere so I try not to show too much emotion on my face, but I see my mother and Prim and Gale and his family standing next to each other, and I feel my heart breaking. This is it. I may never see them again. There's so much I want to say to all of them, but I'm out of time. Peeta has obviously been crying, he isn't even trying to hide it. Maybe that's the angle he's going with? Act weak, and catch everyone off guard when it turns out you're a killing machine? A tribute a couple of years ago did the same thing.. But why is he crying? He Volunteered after all. It's completely his doing that he is now about to board the train with me, the Capitol being our destination. He waves to his family, and then the rest of the people of the district and turns to board the train. I look at Prim and Gale specifically this time, trying to ignore their broken expressions, and mouth the words "I'll miss you". I look down as I turn away, not bothering to wave to anyone else and board the train myself.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I take no credit for the creation of the characters in this chapter. All characters mentioned in this story are the creation of the wonderful, the talented, the amazing Suzanne Collins. Without her genius, this story would not be possible. I do not own anything in relation to the story, or the characters. OC's are the only things I will take credit for, and those will be mentioned when the time comes. **

**Happy Reading! **

Chapter Three: Train and Capitol

The doors close mercifully behind us and the train takes off almost immediately. I've never been on a train before; I've only ever seen the trains that transport coal. Effie tells Peeta and me that we each have our own chambers and we can do whatever we please for now but we need to be dressed for dinner in an hour. I walk down the hallway and open my door. Inside, I have a bedroom, a dressing area, and my own private bathroom. This is bigger than my whole house back in District 12. I take off my mother's blue dress and take a hot shower and it feels incredible. When I'm done, I dress in a green shirt and pants. I'm about to leave for dinner, when I remember the pin Madge gave me is still on my mother's dress. I pick it up and actually get a good look at it. I find that it's not just any bird, it's a Mockingjay. I pin it to my shirt on the way out of my room.

Effie is waiting for me in the hallway so we walk together.

In the dining room, Peeta is seated at the table with an empty chair beside him.

"Where's Haymitch?" Effie asks.

"Taking a nap, I think," says Peeta.

We take our seats. Dinner comes in courses. We're first served a thick carrot soup, green salad, lamb chops and mashed potatoes, cheese and fruit, and a chocolate cake. Effie reminds both of us repeatedly to save room for there is more to come, but I can't stop myself. I've never seen so much food in my life. And it's _so_ good! Besides, it couldn't hurt to put on a little weight before the Games, especially when I don't know how hard it'll be to find food. Eventually, the meal's over and I'm fighting to keep the meal down and to my right, Peeta looks like he's trying to do the same thing. We're just not used to eating such rich foods.

Effie leads Peeta and me into another compartment to watch replays of the reapings across Panem. One by one, names are called. A few stand out and they are monstrous, like the boy who volunteered from District 2. Other people stand out as well, like the twelve year old girl from District 11. She reminds me so much of Prim, but no one stepped up to volunteer for her like I did for my sister. Then, the reaping from our district is shown. You can't miss the desperation in my voice as I volunteer for Prim. And Gale's reaction as his name is called and right afterwards when Peeta volunteers. We also get to see Haymitch falling off the stage again.

Effie Trinket makes an annoyed sound when she watches the reply of that. "Your mentor has a lot to learn about presentation."

Peeta laughs unexpectedly. "He was drunk, just like he is every other year on reaping day."

"Every day." I add quietly and I can't help smirking a little.

"Laugh all you want. Your mentor gets you sponsors and helps you plan strategies. You'd better hope you can count on him. Haymitch may very well be your life or your death.."

Right on cue, Haymitch stumbles in drunk and looks around before vomiting spectacularly on the floor. Effie looks over disgustedly before getting up and leaving.

Peeta and I walk over to help.

"Come on, let's get you cleaned up." Peeta says.

We each half carry Haymitch back to his room. At the door, Peeta turns to me. "I've got it from here." He says with a kind smile and I don't argue. I don't really want to see Haymitch when Peeta rinses him off. I walk back to my room to wash off myself because I can still smell the vomit, and as I close my door behind me, I ponder why Peeta didn't just call for someone to help. He was just as grossed out as I was. That's the Capitol peoples' job anyway. Then I realize _it's because he's kind, to everyone, just as he was kind to me when he gave me the bread. _

Damn. A kind Peeta is worse than an unkind one. A kind one is going to be hard to kill..

As I lay in bed that night, I feel the urge to cry. And this is definitely the time to do it, when no one can see me. But I can't. So I just lay there silently, surrendering myself to my thoughts. I've had so much on my mind these past few hours; and I haven't really had time to think about what happened with Gale earlier.

_Gale. My best friend. I miss him so much.. And of all times for him to tell me his feelings for me, he chooses today? After I'd volunteered to take my sisters place as tribute. I can't believe he didn't tell me sooner. I don't even know how long he's felt this way.. At least his weird mood these past couple of days actually makes some sense now. He could've told me then.. Wait. Didn't he try? The other day, outside my house after we'd been in the forest for hours playing our version of "Tag". If not, I guess I'll never know what he wanted to say.. Even though it seemed pretty important._

I let out a huge sigh._ Even if Gale has feelings for me, it doesn't mean I have feelings for him.. Does it? Do I?_

"UGH!" I throw my fists down against my sheets in frustration. _I don't know_. This is all out of nowhere; he's never led me to believe he felt this way before.. _What changed? I just don't know.. I wish he was here right now, so I could talk to him_. He has a way of making me feel better when no one and nothing else can. But I'm still glad he isn't here. One more conversation with my best friend just to get some answers isn't worth having to fight against him in the arena. I'd choose unanswered questions every time. Now to the reason he isn't hear right now.. _Peeta. Why is Peeta here? Why would Peeta volunteer for Gale_? I'd always thought he was happy with his life back in District 12, and Gale's right, he doesn't even know him.. So why volunteer to die for him? It doesn't make any sense. I want more than anything to ask Peeta why he'd willingly do something like that when there's absolutely no benefit for him, but I wouldn't know if he was actually telling the truth or not. And that's just it, I can't trust him. I don't even know him, which is why it's so frustrating because I can't tell what he's thinking. Never have I disliked the boy with the bread so much in my life. For the first time ever, I don't feel thankful or grateful towards him, I only feel anger. Anger and suspicion, and those emotions are only going to get worse as we get closer and closer to being sent into the arena. From this point on, I want nothing to do with the baker's son.

As I close my eyes, I imagine being home with my mother and Prim. They're probably both sleeping in my mother's room tonight. I consider crying once more, but no tears come. I'm either too tired or too numb. So I lay there and let the train rock me into oblivion.

The next morning, I wake up to the sound of Effie's voice. "Up, up, up! It's going to be a big, big, big day!"

I groan and move to get up. I get dressed and look at myself in the mirror. My hair looks fine; I'll just leave it in my braid from yesterday. Besides, once we get to the capitol, my stylists will dictate my look for the opening ceremonies tonight anyway. I enter the dining cart to find Peeta and Haymitch already eating and Effie is fixing herself a cup of coffee. Peeta hands me something that he called hot chocolate. It tastes wonderful. I sit in silence as I finish my cup before eating anything. Once I'm finished, I pile my plate high with food and dig in. Haymitch is drinking some kind of red juice that he keeps adding a clear liquid to. I realize then that I don't like Haymitch much at all. No wonder District 12 tributes are always the first to go. Our mentor is a joke. Haymitch looks up at me and I decide now is the right time to talk. "So, you're supposed to give us advice?"

He snorts, "Yeah, stay alive."

Peeta sighs. "That's very funny, only not to us." Haymitch ignores him and moves to take another drink. Before it reaches his lips, Peeta has knocked it to the ground. Haymitch reacts almost instantly and punches him in the jaw, knocking Peeta from his chair. When he turns back to reach for another drink, I pick up my knife and drive it straight into the table, between Haymitch's hand and the bottle. Surprisingly, he just sits down and leans back. Peeta stands up angrily and we both wait for Haymitch to speak.

Finally he says, "I see we've got some fighters this year. Alright, I'll make a deal with you. If you don't interfere with my drinking again, I'll stay sober enough to help you."

It's silent for a moment as Peeta and I think over his proposal. "Fine." Peeta says.

"Alright, help us. What's the plan when we get in the arena? What do we.." Haymitch cuts me off.

"One thing at a time. We'll be getting off in a minute and you'll be handed over to your stylists. Do not argue with them. No matter what they say or want to do, don't resist."

I try again. "But.."

"No buts. Do what you're told." Haymitch says and then gets up to leave.

Peeta and I sit in silence for a while and then the train begins to slow. I jump to my feet and notice that Peeta's done the same as we both eagerly run to the windows to get our first glimpse of the Capitol. The people here are so odd looking, with their painted faces and colorful wigs. The people in the crowds point to us, recognizing our train as one of the tribute trains. I step away from the window and Peeta grabs my wrist.

"Wave to them. Who knows, one of them could end up being a sponsor." I shake my head as I pull my arm from his grasp. He's already trying to win them over. I misjudged him. He's already fighting to win. Which must mean the kind Peeta Mellark, the boy with the bread, is fighting hard to kill me. I knew I couldn't trust him..

I'm greeted by three of the strangest looking people I have ever met. They introduced themselves as Venia, Flavius, and Octavia. They proceed to remove every trace of hair that isn't on my head from my body, and scrub off more layers of skin then I think I can afford to lose, leaving me feeling plucked like a bird. I don't like it, but I've kept my side of the bargain with Haymitch.

They circle me a couple more times as I stand completely naked in front of them, acting like a bunch of predators eyeing their prey.

"Excellent!" Flavius booms. "You almost look human now!"

I force a smile to my lips. "Thank you." I say as sweetly as I can manage, forcing myself not to roll my eyes.

I've lost all hope for the Capitol people.

And then, the door opens and a man -who must be the "Cinna" the three of them continuously referred to- walks in. and he looks.. _Normal_.

He smiles at me. "Hello, Katniss. I'm Cinna, your stylist." He says in a voice that is strangely lacking the Capitol accent.

"Hello" I reply.

"Just give me a moment." He says as he begins to circle my body. "Who did your hair?" he asks finally.

"My mother".

"It's beautiful." He says.

He then starts to talk about our costumes for tonight. I immediately tense up, praying we don't have to go naked. And he smiles kindly at me, as if he's just read my mind.

"You see, rather than focusing on coal mining itself, we're going to focus on the coal. And what do we do with coal?" A huge grin crosses his face, "We burn it. I hope you're not afraid of fire, Katniss Everdeen."

I audibly gulp, and feel my eyes widen considerably, nodding my head slowly because it's the only reaction I can manage. I'm not even sure what answer is to be taken from my nod. _Is the crazy bastard going to light me on fire? _

I knew there was no hope for the Capitol people.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Greetings! This is a random update, as opposed to my usual weekly updating schedule. This chapter is a gift to one of my readers, _ImaginationStation00_, for her birthday! Happy Birthday, my dear, and I hope this chapter is to your liking! :) Also different from usual is the POV of this chapter. Instead of being from Katniss' POV, as requested, this chapter is in Gale's. It was somewhat difficult to write so I hope you aren't displeased with the route I've chosen to take his behaviors/actions/thoughts.**

** Shoot me a review letting me know what you think?**

**DISCLAIMER: The characters of this story/chapter are ALL the creation of Suzanne Collins, the wonderfully talented woman that she is. None of this would be possible without her original work. Thanks SC! **

**Now, without further ado..**

Chapter Four: Back in District 12

**Gale's POV**

I watch the doors of the train close, separating myself from Katniss for what may be the last time.

_No, don't think like that, you idiot. She's coming home. She can do this. She's has to be able to do this. _

Prim's small hand wraps around mine and I look down to find that she has silent tears streaming down her cheeks. The sight of her sadness is almost enough to cause the damns of my own tears to break as well, but I don't let them fall.

Crying in front of Katniss was embarrassing enough. I won't let the rest of District 12 see just how affected I am by all of this.

I'm all that's left for our families.

Prim needs me more than ever.

This fact makes me angry, but not at her. Never at Prim.

It isn't her fault her name was drawn, and I'm not the least bit surprised Katniss volunteered to take her place. That's just the way she is. She's selfless and she doesn't even know it. It's one of the reasons I love her as much as I do. I can't believe it's taken me this long to figure it out, but I've been in love with my best friend for years.

And now she's gone.

No, I'm not mad at either of the Everdeen girls.

I realize my anger and frustration has one focus: _Peeta Fucking Mellark._

_What the _hell_ is wrong with him? _I know what Katniss said was the truth. That he did me a favor, and that now I can be here to take care of our families._ But this isn't where I'm supposed to be. I'm supposed to be with _her_. I'm not fucking blind. I know he has feelings for her. He has for years. Only Katniss could be oblivious to something so obvious for so long. But I never thought his feelings were strong enough to sacrifice himself . To _die_ for her. To volunteer to go just to protect her. I know that's his reason for going. But that's my job! If she gets hurt.. If _he_ hurts her.. If he allows even a strand of hair on her head to be harmed in any way.. If _my_ Katniss doesn't come home because that lovesick bastard couldn't keep her safe, he'd better die in the arena as well, or I'll kill him myself. _

I release a frustrated sigh and run the fingers of my free hand through my hair.

My actions cause Prim to look up at me questioningly. I just shake my head at her. She doesn't need to worry about this. I have to keep a brave face on for her. She doesn't need to worry unnecessarily for her sister.

I'm not being delusional, I decide. Katniss _will_ come home.

Mrs. Everdeen hasn't stopped crying since her family meeting with Katniss before her departure.

I tell my mother to take the kids home, and bend to pick Prim up. Her silent tears have finally turned into loud, broken sobs. There's no way she'll be able to walk home.

She places her head in the crook of my neck and allows me to carry her. Mrs. Everdeen follows silently behind me, releasing the occasional hiccup brought on by her own tears.

I lead them both home and take Prim inside, laying her down on the couch before heading into the kitchen to talk to Mrs. Everdeen.

She's started boiling some water. I've learned over the years that making tea is one of her ways of calming down, of coping with things. I smile and sit down at the table, waiting patiently for her to finish before starting any conversation.

She silently pours the water into two cups and moves to sit down beside me, handing me my cup. We sit there in quiet for what seems like ages, before I clear my throat and begin the dreaded conversation.

"You know, I am here to take care of the both of you. With Katniss being gone for a little while, I'll be bringing you as much fresh meat as you need. I'll stop by every morning and check up on you, too. I want you to know that I am here for you. You're like a second family to me and I won't let anything happen to either of you while Katniss is away. She'll kill me when she gets back if she finds out I've done otherwise." At that last part, Mrs. Everdeen finally lets loose the sobs she had only just managed to contain.

"Oh, Gale. My dear boy, you know I've always considered you to be the son I never had. You mean so much to Katniss and I can't tell you how much your kindness will mean to us in the weeks to come, but please don't say things that will get my hopes up unnecessarily. I know my Katniss is strong, and clever, and obviously capable, but I won't pretend to know what the outcome of the Games will be. She may never come back and.." Her sentence is cut off by another sob.

"Mrs. Everdeen.. Astrid, stop. You have to be brave, for Prim. Now, more than ever, she needs you. And come on, have a little faith in our Catnip," I say with a small smile, "She can do this."

She reaches across the table and gently cups my cheek with her hand. The kind smile lighting up her face does little to hide the disbelieving look her eyes contain. She has already given up on her daughter. She's known so much pain in her life already; it must be easier to accept the idea of the bad happening instead of hoping for the good.

_Hope_. It's something that has long since been lost for most of the members of District 12.

"You should probably head home, dear. I wouldn't want you out past curfew. I'll see you tomorrow morning" she says.

I nod, finishing the last of my drink before standing up to leave. "Thanks for the tea," I say.

I check on Prim in the other room and find her asleep on the couch with that hideous cat of hers curled up by her feet.

I cover her with the small blanket that was originally draped over the side of the couch, before turning to leave.

_I'll have to bring her some flowers from the forest tomorrow. They might cheer her up a bit. _I think hopefully, though I know they'll do little to actually brighten her mood.

As the door to the Everdeen household closes behind me, I realize how much I'm going to miss Katniss, even if it is for only a few weeks. I won't think of her being away for any longer than that. I can't..

But the impact she has had on my every day routine, on my life, is something I never really realized until now. I already miss her and it's only been a few hours. I don't know how much longer I'll be able to bear it.

The sickest part of it all is that the only way I'll feel better is if I see her, and the only way I'll be able to see her is if I watch the Games. I don't know if I'll be able to do that though. I can't bear the thought of watching her die and not being able to help her, not being there to help her. Even if my support is something Mrs. Everdeen and Prim will need most when watching the Games, I'm not sure it's something I can offer them. I'm not sure I can handle it.

Once I've gotten to my own house, in my own room, I lay down; knowing all too well that I won't actually be getting any sleep tonight, and even though it couldn't hurt to try - especially now that I'll need all the energy I can get for my solo hunting trips from now on- I can't bring myself to close my eyes.

Because with that sleep will come the nightmares I know are bound to haunt every moment of my slumber. With sleep, will come the graphic images of the death of my best friend.

If she dies, everything worth living for in this life dies with her. Until now, I'd never realized how much I _need_ her. Until this moment, I never realized just how true the words I spoke to her earlier really were. Until this moment, I never knew just how deeply I'd fallen in love with my best friend. My Catnip, my everything.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Hello, my lovelies! Here's this week's chapter update. I am anxious to finally have all the Tributes in the Arena -as I assume you are, too- because that's where the action happens. However, I still need to work my way up to it with few more things have to happen before we get to that point in the story. Hopefully you aren't too disappointed with that. I promise, it will be here soon enough! **

**DISCLAIMER: Sadly, I do not own the Hunger Games or the characters in it. They are all the creation and property of the brilliant Suzanne Collins. I will only take credit for any new characters and plot twists that did not appear throughout her books. However, I don't believe any new characters have been introduced yet in mystory, so all the credit remains with SC. **

**That's pretty much it.. **

**Happy reading!**

Chapter Five: Opening Ceremonies

** KATNISS' POV**

A few hours later I'm dressed in a simple black costume that covers my body from ankle to neck. That's not what scares me. It's the fluttering cape made of orange, yellow, and red streams with a matching headpiece that has me terrified, for that's what Cinna plans to light on fire.

"It's not a real fire, just a synthetic flame." He says for the tenth time, but I'm not convinced. For all I know, I could be perfectly barbecued by the time we reach the city's center.

I look at myself in the mirror. I don't have much makeup on, a few bits of gold here and there for highlighting, and what's now my signature braid down my back.

"I want the audience to recognize you in the arena," Cinna says. "Katniss, the girl on fire."

_That's it. Everyone here is crazy. The one person I thought was actually normal is really a complete madman.. _I think to myself, trying to ignore the sick feeling in my gut that is no longer from nerves, but from fear that I won't even make it into the Arena before I've been killed in this damn place.

Despite how much Peeta annoyed me on the train earlier, I find myself relieved to see him as he walks over to join us. And he's wearing a costume almost identical to mine. Everyone around us is buzzing with excitement at the reaction we'll get from our costumes, but Peeta's expression reflects how I'd picture my own to be right now. _Nervous_.

We're taken to a gigantic stable where the other tributes are being loaded onto their chariots. Most of them shoot curious glances our way. Some, like the Tributes, shoot mocking ones, most likely thinking how ridiculous we look with our capes on.

We're lead onto our chariot and Cinna and Portia position our bodies and costumes before leaving to talk amongst themselves.

I turn to Peeta. "What do you think?" I pause, "You know, about the fire, I mean?"

He gives a little laugh, but I know it's completely forced.

"I'll rip off your cape if you rip off mine," He says through gritted teeth, his eyes revealing the worry he's trying to be brave enough to not speak about.

"Deal. I know we promised Haymitch we'd let our stylists have their way, but I don't think any of us were planning for this."

"Where is he anyway?" Peeta asks. "Isn't he supposed to be protecting us from things like this? From being killed before we've even entered the Arena?"

"Haymitch? With all that alcohol in him, I think we're safer with him away from an open flame." I say, cracking a small smile.

And then we're both laughing, but it's cut short soon after we begin.

The opening music starts to play and the chariots start pulling out. As District 11 begins rolling forward, Cinna appears with a lighted torch. "Alright, here we go," He says as he leans forward to light our capes. Before we can react, we're on fire. I gasp, waiting for the unbearable heat, but it doesn't come. "Remember, heads up and smile! They're going to love you." Cinna shoots a quick wink my way and I begin to calm down, but only slightly. I _am_ still on fire..

And we're off. Cinna shouts one more thing but I don't hear him.

"What's he saying?" I ask Peeta, having to shout over the cheering crowd.

Peeta looks at me for a second measuring my reaction before saying, "I think he wants us to hold hands." He then proceeds to take my hand and we both turn to Cinna for confirmation. He gives us a thumbs up.

Then we're in the center.

The crowd's alarm at our appearance soon turns to cheers. They're suddenly chanting "District 12!"All cameras are on us and Peeta reminds me to smile. I look at him and he looks absolutely dazzling. I hope I do, too.

He begins to wave at the crowd and I follow his lead. He's clutching my hand tightly and I realize he needs me just as much as I need him right now. He is so steady, whereas I can feel myself shaking uncontrollably out of nervousness. Yet he stands, solid as a rock, and I slowly begin to gain confidence. Flowers are raining down on us as the crowd is shouting mine and Peeta's names, our first names, which means they looked them up on the program.

I'm so grateful to Cinna right now. He's given us - me a huge advantage.

Plain old Katniss Everdeen will not be forgotten. I'll be remembered as the girl on fire.

I glance over at Peeta once more, forcing myself to keep the frown off my face as I remind myself that though we are presenting ourselves as a unit of sorts, he's still the enemy.

It's not until we reach the circle that I notice how tightly I've been holding on to Peeta's hand. I loosen my grip and he, in turn, grabs my hand tighter.

"Don't let go of me! Please." He says, eyes filled with something more than just nerves, but what is it?

"Ok." I reply. I'm glad to have Peeta here, for stability; holding my hand, but it's also confusing. I don't want to like or trust him, but I can't help it. There's something about him.. about his soft blue eyes, his kind smile, and his gentle nature.. No matter how hard I try to completely convince myself of his scheming ways, I can't.

But I know I'll have to eventually.

And the way Cinna has us presenting ourselves like we're some kind of team doesn't help either. Not when we're going to be put into the arena to kill each other in only a few days.

The twelve chariots make the loop around the circle and then President Snow begins to speak. He gives his long, drawling speech on how exciting it is to have us all here as this year's Tributes and how he looks forward to watching our Games.

_The sick bastard_. _Only _he_ could make watching children murder each other sound like some exciting game we should all be looking forward to seeing._

Once the loop is completed, our chariots are brought back into the stables where we're helped off and then we're taken into the training center. Peeta and I are led to an elevator which brings us up to our floor.

I go straight to my room to change into something more comfortable before dinner. I decide to take a shower in what turns out to be one of the strangest showers I've ever seen, not that I've seen many showers, but this one has so many different options. Temperature, pressure, soap, shampoo, oils.. Once I finish my shower, I go to find an outfit.

The closet has an option of letting you program any outfit you want and it'll put it together for you. I finish getting dressed as I hear Effie calling me to dinner and I realize how hungry I actually am.

Cinna and Portia join us and we plan out our "strategies". Effie can't stop gushing about how "fabulous" we looked on our chariot and Haymitch even sounds a little excited about our potential sponsors.

In my state of nervousness, I wasn't aware that we had received the loudest reaction out of all the other Tributes, nor did I notice that they had only chanted our names. During the opening ceremony, I had just assumed all Tributes names had been shouted and chanted and that we were lucky enough to have them look up ours as well.

I turn away from the conversation, reaching for another roll of bread when I notice an Avox server, and don't think before I say it, but I announce that I think I know her from somewhere. Peeta comes to my rescue once again and the gasps from Effie and the others eventually subside as he plays it off as a simple mistake, claiming she resembled a girl from back home. Thankfully the subject is dropped. I'd forgotten that to become an Avox, an illegal act has to be committed, and to claim you know an Avox, or were once friends with them, is just as easily punishable.

* * *

After dinner, we watch the recap of tonight's events on the screen and even our own group can't help the sounds of awe that escape their lips as Peeta and I are shown.

"The handholding was a nice touch, Cinna." Haymitch says approvingly. "Alright," he claps his hands together, drawing our attention towards him, "your first training session is tomorrow, go get some sleep."

We nod our heads and get up to leave, saying goodnight to the others.

Peeta and I walk down the narrow hallway to our rooms and he stops at my door and leans on the door frame, as if he wants to say something, but he eventually thinks better of it and doesn't. We stand there in silence for a while before he says, "Well, goodnight, Katniss." And then he turns to leave.

* * *

I lay in bed, trying to fall asleep, and finally give up. I decide to have a look around, staying in my room won't do anything to calm me or take my mind off of what is soon to come.

Outside of my room, I find some stairs that can only lead to the roof. My suspicions are correct, as I reach the top of the stairs; I notice that the door has been left slightly open. I'm immediately on guard. I push open the door and find someone sitting along the edge of the roof, looking down at all the people still outside celebrating after today's ceremony.

It's Peeta.

He turns to see me and smiles. "Couldn't sleep?"

I shake my head.

"Should we be up here?" I finally ask.

"I asked Cinna about it.. If anyone was worried that one of the tributes might jump or something.. And he said you can't. Apparently there's a barrier." He reaches out to touch the empty space and there's a small zap as he jerks his hand away.

Peeta stands up and motions for me to follow. He leads me to some kind of a garden and gives me a loaded look, that I take as his way of saying 'they can't hear us here'.

Then he begins to speak, "So, an Avox, huh? How do you know her?"

At first, I'm skeptical about sharing the story with him, but then I realize it shouldn't matter anyway. The worst he could do is tell someone about it and I don't believe he'd do something like that, no matter how untrustworthy he appears, he's still a good person. _Isn't he?_

So, I tell him the story. The story of when Gale and I went hunting and how we watched her get picked up by the hovercraft. I tell him all the gruesome details, only just now realizing how much of a weight had been hanging over my shoulders since witnessing it happen and how much I'd needed to talk about it. Gale and I have never brought it up, not wanting to discuss it, knowing all too well that there was nothing we could've done to help her without getting killed ourselves. I never would've thought it would make me feel better, reliving the experience, but talking about it actually has in some way. Her terrified eyes, watching me as she was being lifted away, have been the cause of many sleepless nights.

For a person I thought I couldn't trust, I really am telling him a lot more then I should be. But it's ok. Now it's his turn to talk. He needs to explain why he's here.

I've been curious about why he volunteered since the moment it happened. He really has no obvious excuse, so now it's his turn to share his secrets with me.

_Why is the boy with the bread here, instead of safe at home in District 12. What possessed him to volunteer as Tribute? For _Gale_ of all people.._

There's no right time or way to ask so I just come out and say it.

"Peeta, why are you here?"

He laughs. "Here? Like on the roof? The same reason as you.. Because I couldn't sleep."

"No, seriously Peeta. Why are you here, at the Capitol? Why'd you volunteer for Gale?" I ask, allowing some of my annoyance with him to reveal itself.

_He was the boy who saved me so many years ago. Why would he volunteer to be here and possibly end up being my killer? What gives?_

He stares at me for what seems like forever, and I watch his expression changeas multiple expressions cross his face, but each changes so quickly to the next that I'm not able to read what he might be thinking. We sit quietly, while he avoids answering my question, before he shakes his head as if to clear it and then he asks, "So, what do you think the arena will be like?"

I roll my eyes at him. "Peeta.. I trusted you with my story about _illegally_ hunting in the woods and you won't even tell me why you volunteered for the Games? How's that fair?"

He smiles a sad smile. "You'll know soon enough, I can promise you that.."

Before I can come up with a witty remark, he's on his feet and at the door.

"Goodnight, Katniss." And then he's gone.

_What the hell was that about? It was a simple question.. "You'll know soon enough"? No. I wanted to know now. He owes me an answer _now_. This isn't fair. And why did he look so sad about me finding out why he's here? Or is he sad that he might die in the Games? That doesn't make sense.. he _volunteered_ to be here!_

I walk back to my room and when I open my door, I see the same red-headed Avox and she's picking up my costume from earlier.

"I'm sorry, that was supposed to go back to Cinna. Can you give it to him?" I ask, not making eye contact with her, but instead watching my feet. Eventually, I glance up to see her reply, realizing she can't speak. Yet another wave of guilt flows through me at the sight of her.

_Is it my fault she can't speak? Could I have helped her? Should I have tried?_

She nods without looking at me and leaves. Maybe she doesn't remember me?

No. she definitely does. I imagine you don't forget the face of the person who was your last hope.

* * *

I lie in bed, not bothering to turn off the lights or wash up once more before falling asleep, and pull the covers over my head, hiding from the world. Hiding my tears from all the people who might be watching and hoping for my death in the Arena.

I think one last thought before the darkness consumes me:

_I wonder if she'll enjoy watching me die.._


	6. Chapter 6

******DISCLAIMER********:******** I do not own the rights to any of these characters or this story line. All are the property of the brilliant Suzanne Collins. Without her original work, none of this would be possible. Thanks, SC!**

**A/N:**** Welcome! As usual, here is this week's chapter update. Sorry for taking so long to post it, I know I usually have it up earlier in the day.**** Please, feel free to leave comments/reviews with your opinions of my story thus far as they would be greatly appreciated! Also, let me know if you're rooting for PEENISS (I couldn't resist) or GALENISS. Though I've got a pretty good idea of how I'd like the story to play out and the pairing I'd like to end with, I may be swayed to change my mind if you present a good enough argument in defense of your favorite pairing! And no, I wont be revealing who ends up with who, so persuasive arguments are necessary on both sides. *Insert maniacal laughter here* ;)**

**Happy reading!**

Chapter Six: Training

I wake with a start, having just witnessed another nightmare about being in the arena. I slept terribly last night which is unfortunate considering today's training day.

This should be interesting. I go to take a shower, hoping to rid my body and mind of the terrors of last night. After I'm dressed, I make my way outside and down to breakfast. I'm the first here but I don't care, I stack my plate high with food and take a seat at the table. After finishing my second plate, I grab a few rolls and start dipping them in my hot chocolate, just as the others walk in.

"Good morning." Haymitch and Peeta both say.

I nod, "'morning."

They take their seats and Haymitch begins talking. "So, today is your first day of training. I can either coach you together or separately. Decide now."

I look at him in confusion. "Separately? Why would you coach us separately?"

"Well, if you had a skill you didn't want the other to know about..?"

Peeta shakes his head. "I don't have any skills. And I already know what yours is." He looks at me. "I mean, I've eaten enough of your squirrels."

I'm surprised to hear this. I never pictured Peeta eating the squirrels I shot. "No, we would like to be coached together." I say and Peeta nods in agreement.

"Alright, give me an idea of what you can do." Haymitch says.

"I can't do anything, unless you count baking." Peeta says.

Haymitch shakes his head. "Katniss, what about you? I know you're handy with knives. Anything else?" He asks.

"I can hunt?" My response sounds like a question. "With a bow and arrow."

"Are you any good?" Haymitch asks.

I have to think about it. "I'm alright."

Peeta snorts. "Are you kidding?" He turns to Haymitch. "She's excellent. I've seen the squirrels my father buys from her. She hits them in the eye every time, and the rabbits too."

"Peeta, what are you doing?" I ask angrily. _Why is he trying to make me seem better than I am?_

"Katniss, Haymitch is trying to help you. Don't underrate yourself. He needs to know all that you're capable of." He says.

"Well, what about you? You're strong. And you're good at wrestling! Why not tell him about that." I snap at him.

"I can't wrestle someone to death." He says sounding annoyed with me now.

_Why is he being so difficult?_ "No, but it'll help with hand to hand combat. At least you'll have a shot. I'll probably get jumped."

He's shouting now. "No, you'll probably be up in some tree taking people out one by one with your bow! Do you know what my mother said to me before I left? She said we may actually have a winner this year."

"I'm sure she was talking about you." I say, though my statement is lacking the affirmation that usually coincides with a factual one.

"No. She said 'She's a survivor, that one.' _She_." And the look on his face tells me he's not lying.

Suddenly, I'm looking at the boy with the bread, and remembering years ago when he helped me.

"I'm only a 'survivor' because someone helped me.." I say, looking down at the roll of bread in my hand that I'd been dipping, no longer hungry. Peeta looked at it too.

"People will help you in the arena too, Katniss. They'll be tripping over themselves trying to sponsor you" He says.

"They'll be helping you, too." I say.

Peeta rolls his eyes at me then turns to Haymitch. "Is she serious?" He looks at me before speaking. "She really has no idea the effect she can have.." He shakes his head, but it's not in annoyance. The emotion on his face is one of disbelief.

_What the hell is he talking about? _I choose not to respond to what he's just said, having no idea what to say in response anyway.

Haymitch finally steps in. "Well, back to what I was saying. Katniss, you are not to touch the archery area during training. Save that for impressing the Gamemakers. Today, you'll visit the other areas and try to learn something new. The same goes for you Peeta. I'd advise you both work on traps. Spend time working on things you don't know. Are we clear?"

We nod.

Haymitch stands to leave. "Oh, and one more thing.. When you two are in public, you are to be by each other's side every minute, attached at the hip." We start to object. "No! _Every_ minute! No arguments. Now go, and be ready to meet Effie at ten for training." He finishes speaking and leaves.

I get up and go straight to my room, making sure everyone can hear me slam my door. Why do we have to keep pretending we're friends? We're playing up the other's strengths when, at some point, that's going to have to end. We aren't friends. We're going to have to kill each other. And every time I try to accept that, Haymitch has us act like we're a team. It's so confusing.

I guess it's my fault for saying we were willing to be coached together.

It's almost ten. I nervously make my way to the elevator and Effie and Peeta are already there. The ride down only takes a minute and then the doors open to a gymnasium filled with weapons and obstacle courses. It's terrifying and exciting at the same time. It's not even ten yet, but Peeta and I are the last to arrive. The other tributes have their district numbers pinned to their clothes. As I look around, I notice that Peeta and I are the only two dressed alike. Someone comes over to us and pins our numbers to our shirts and we join the circle of tributes listening to a woman named Atala who is explaining our schedules.

While she's speaking, I look around me and my heart sinks a little. All the boys and at least half the girls are bigger than me. Each must have fifty to a hundred pounds on me and they're all looking at Peeta and me with contempt and disgust. We may have outshone them last night, but that was our stylists' doing, it had nothing to do with _our_ talents. I've zoned out, so when Peeta nudges me to ask me a question, I jump. "What?"

"Where do you want to start?" He asks.

I sigh; I can't believe we have to stay together. I shrug, not really interested in anything. We start with knot tying, and then move on to traps, and finally, camouflage. I watch in awe as Peeta paints his face. He smiles at me, his mood having lightened. "I do the cakes at the bakery." He says as if to explain how he acquired his talent. I nod in understanding.

* * *

The next day of training goes by pretty quickly. We learn things like fire-starting and how to make shelter. There are breaks in between when the tributes go to lunch. And, following Haymitch's orders, we sit together. The only other tributes sitting together are the careers.

We need to act friendly, so Peeta decides to break the silence by emptying the bread basket in the middle of the table and explaining which District each came from. I fake a laugh and then it's my turn to say something. I tell him the story of how Gale and I found a Bear and how it chased me through the forest.

I notice that most of my stories seem to either be about Gale or have Gale in them. I'm sure Peeta notices too, and for some reason, I think it bothers him, but he keeps up the act by smiling and laughing on cue as if nothing were wrong.

* * *

Back on our floor, we sit down with Haymitch and Effie for dinner and we're drilled about all of the happenings of today, just as we were yesterday. We talk for a little longer and then Haymitch tells us to get some sleep.

Peeta and I walk down the narrow hallway that leads to our rooms.

"Jeez, someone needs to get Haymitch a drink." He says with a smile.

I make a ridiculously unattractive sound that's somewhere between and snort and a laugh before stopping myself and looking at him.

"Don't. Please don't pretend to be my friend. You don't need to keep it up when no one's around." I say, and there is noticeable sadness in my voice.

_It's getting too confusing. I can't remember when I'm supposed to be nice to Peeta and when I'm supposed to be preparing myself to kill him._

He frowns at me as if he doesn't understand what I'm saying. _Surely he feels the same way? _

"All right, Katniss," He mumbles tiredly before turning to leave.

* * *

On the third day of training, we're called one by one to have our private sessions with the Gamemakers. One by one, the group of Tributes in the waiting room slowly disappears.

Rue's called and then it's just Peeta and I and we're sitting in silence. I'm too nervous to speak.

A couple of minutes later, they call Peeta.

I'm not sure what makes me say this but the words are out of my mouth before I can think to stop them. "Remember what Haymitch said. Be sure to throw the weights.."

He stops to stare at me with a mixed look of confusion and surprise on his face. We haven't talked much after I told him to stop acting like my friend.

"Good luck." If he wasn't shocked before, he's definitely shocked now. I couldn't stop myself though. I felt like I owed it to him to give him some encouraging words. Especially if he's feeling as nervous as I am.

"Thanks, Katniss. You, too." He smiles. "And, uhm.. You shoot straight." He says awkwardly.

And then I'm left alone.

About fifteen minutes later, I'm called in. I take a deep breath and walk into the gymnasium.

_This is just great._

The Gamemakers are obviously bored after having to sit through twenty-three other performances. I've already lost their interest and I haven't even started yet.

I walk over to the archery stand, determined to impress them somehow. I grab the bow and it feels so familiar in my hands. I've missed this. I grab and arrow and turn to shoot at the targets. The Gamemakers are interested now. Most of them have sat up to watch. I take a breath and shoot.

_Damn_! _I missed_!

And now I've lost any hope of getting their attention. _This isn't fair! _

I pick up another arrow and take aim. It hits the dummy right in the forehead. I sigh. _Why couldn't that have been my first shot?_

I look up to see if anyone is watching only to find that a huge roasted pig has just been rolled in and they're all gathering around it, more interested in eating lunch then watching me. It's infuriating.

I know I'm acting out of anger but I can't stop myself. I spot the apple in the pig's mouth and take aim. The arrow blows right through the center of the Gamemakers and hits the apple right in the middle, skewering it and nailing it to the wall. A few people scream, others just look at me with shocked expressions.

_Ha! Now I've got their attention._

I smile up at them sweetly and bow. "Thank you for your consideration." And I leave without being dismissed.

I can hear the gasps and talk as I turn to leave, but it's all shut out once the door closes behind me.

The door hasn't been closed 3 seconds and I'm already freaking out.

_I can't believe I just did that._ But they made me so mad!

I'm running to the elevator now and once I'm in, I slam the number 12 button with my fist. The tears are already brimming around my eyes when the doors open. I hear the others calling for me to join them but I can't.

I run to my room and lock my door behind me and really begin to sob.

For a while, Effie and Haymitch knock on my door, asking me to come out, but eventually they give up.

After an hour or so, I'm finally able to control myself and I stop crying, but I'm more worried than ever.

_What'll they do to me? To my family? Will they make me an Avox? I've ruined everything!_

What really scares me is what they might do to my mother and Prim because of my impulsiveness. _My score!_ They're going to give me a score so low, I'll have no chance at getting sponsors.

Effie calls me to dinner and I decide I may as well go. I'll have to face them eventually, especially after the scores are announced.

At dinner, I avoid making eye contact with the others. Cinna and Portia are there which only makes me feel worse. After all they've done for us to make us more likeable and give us an actual shot at winning the Games and receiving help during them as well; I ruin it all with my act of stupidity.

After the main course, I look up and meet Peeta's eyes. He raises his eyebrows as if to ask _"What happened?" _But I just shake my head and look away.

Finally Haymitch speaks up. "Alright, that's enough. Just how bad were you today?" He asks me, practically slamming his fist on the table to draw my attention towards him.

Peeta speaks first. "Well, it doesn't really matter anyway. They weren't paying much attention to me. They were singing some kind of drinking song. So I just threw some heavy stuff around until they dismissed me. I doubt they were much more attentive with her either."

Haymitch turns to me. "Sweetheart?"

The term of endearment he uses annoys me. "I shot an arrow at the Gamemakers," I say bluntly.

Everyone stops eating and stares at me in mixed expressions of shock and horror.

"You what?!" Effie squeaks, fanning herself and appearing slightly faint all of a sudden.

"I shot an arrow at them," I repeat. "Well, not exactly at them, just in their general direction. Like Peeta said, I was shooting and they weren't paying attention and I just.. I lost my head. So, I shot an apple out of their stupid roasted pig's mouth!" I finish defiantly.

Cinna just stares at me for what feels like forever, wearing an unreadable expression. "And what did they say?" He asks carefully.

"I'm not sure, I walked out after that." I say.

Effie looks as if she might actually faint. "Without being dismissed?" She gasps. "Katniss, what were you thinking!"

I shrug, "I dismissed myself."

Haymitch sighs, "well, there's nothing we can do now." Eventually he resumes eating. "What were their faces like?"

I smile a little, at everyone's lightening moods. "Shocked, terrified. One man fell into a bowl of punch." Everyone laughs except Effie who's just barely hiding her smile.

"But I know I'm going to get a very bad score because of it." I say.

"People only remember the good ones anyway." Says Portia, attempting to make me feel better about the situation I've gotten myself in to.

"I hope that's true, because the four _I'm_ likely to get isn't going to help me at all," says Peeta. "There's nothing more pathetic than watching someone throw around a heavy ball."

* * *

After dinner, we gather around the screen to hear the scores.

The Careers get scores ranging from eight to ten which is what all of us were expecting so it comes as no surprise.

Little Rue from District 11 receives a seven!

Finally, Peeta's picture appears on the screen and with it comes his score of eight. Everyone congratulates him. I try to act enthusiastic about his score, but it's difficult with my score of two looming in the near future.

I'm holding my breath now, and finally a number shows up on the screen.

_Eleven? I got an Eleven!? _

Everyone is patting me on the back and cheering, but my score hasn't fully registered in my mind.

_Why would they give me a score of eleven? Why am I not being punished for my behavior?_

"I guess they liked your temper," says Haymitch, somehow managing to answer my silent question.

Cinna comes in to hug me. "Katniss, the girl on fire. Oh! You're going to love your dress!" He exclaims.

"More flames?"

"Something like that." He smiles mischievously.

Peeta and I awkwardly congratulate each other once more, before going to our rooms.

* * *

I lay in bed that night, thinking of home. Thinking of Prim. Of Gale. I miss him so much. Gale gave me a sense of security that was lacking in my life after my father's death. I call him my best friend, but even that seems like too casual of a word. If only he was here now. Of course, I don't want him in the arena with me, I just miss him.

I can picture his reaction to me getting an eleven.

"_Well, there's some room for improvement."_ He'd say. I smile to myself. I can't help comparing what I have with Gale to what I'm pretending to have with Peeta. I've never questioned Gale's motives, whereas that's all I do with Peeta. Gale and I bonded because we both needed to survive, after the deaths of our fathers. Peeta and I know that the other's survival means our death. How can you possibly sidestep that and call what we have a friendship? I close my eyes and force myself to sleep.

* * *

The next morning, I am woken by the sound of Effie's voice reminding me that today's another "big, big, big day!"

I release a frustrated sigh, realizing the happiness I was feeling moments ago was due to a dream, and that I wasn't actually back home in District 12, but in the Capitol preparing to kill or be killed.

I get up and get dressed; deciding a cup of hot chocolate is in order if I ever plan on improving my already glum mood.

At breakfast, they are all seated around the table. I sit down to eat and ask Haymitch how he's planning on coaching us for today's interviews.

My question is cut short by Peeta's abrupt movements. He gets up to leave without looking my way and is out of the room before I can ask about his strange behavior.

"Well, Sweetheart" Haymitch begins, "there's been a change of plans. Peeta has asked to be coached separately."


	7. Chapter 7

**DISCLAIMER: I wish I could claim the story, characters, and everything else as my own. Alas, I cannot. Thank you, Suzanne Collins, today and every day for sharing your brilliance with us all. **

**A/N: Hey guys! I'll try and keep this short. I will rarely suggest a story for my followers/readers to take a look at, but I couldn't help myself! I promise to not make a habit of this though. A friend of mine has recently started posting her story on FF as well. It's a Harry Potter Fanfic that focuses on the pairing of my beloved Draco Malfoy and an OC named Emma Foster. It is absolutely, positively one of the best stories I have had the privilege of reading. Of course, since I am her semi-BETA I've had the chance to read more chapters then she has posted at this time. I've also been included on where she plans to take the story. If you enjoy reading a brilliantly written, well thought out, witty, and downright entertaining story, then I highly suggest you take a look. It does start off kind of slow, but I assure you, it takes a twisted, genius turn soon enough. The story is called Misguided Alliances and it's written by RiNolan. However, you have been warned! It contains an OC! So, if that is something you aren't interested in or aren't a fan of, then please, by all means, disregard this entire A/N. If you do take the time to check it out, please let me - or Ri - know your thoughts. Thank you, to those who actually bothered to, for taking the time to read this ridiculously long A/N. My apologies. **

**As always, I'd love to hear your thoughts on my story so far.. both bad and good are welcome and appreciated! And, as usual, I will always respond.**

**Happy Reading! xo**

Chapter Seven: The Interviews

I can feel the tears threatening to spill over as I look away from Haymitch, not wanting him to see how hurt I am by Peeta's decision. I feel so betrayed. I knew this friendship thing was a bad idea. Things have been so confusing lately.

At first, Peeta and I were only pretending to be friends but then there'd be slip ups.

Like, during the opening ceremonies. I know Cinna told us to hold hands, but we both knew we were glad to have each other by our side. And then the other night on the roof..

It didn't end well but I'd trusted him with a story of my life back in District 12.

Friends tell stories, don't they? Bottom line is, I am not completely sure if I trust him, but I at least thought we were friends.

Fine. I don't need him. He knows my "secret skill" but that doesn't matter, everyone else will find out soon enough anyway. I turn back to look at Haymitch and find him staring at me with a guarded expression, like he's keeping something from me.

"Alright, I'm being coached alone from now on. So, what do we do?" I ask.

"Well, you'll be working with Effie for a couple of hours while I work with Peeta and then we'll switch." He says.

I meet Effie in my room and we practice my presentation. How I'm going to sit, talk, act, walk. Everything. She has me saying things that require a smile to be pronounced correctly.

By the end of our "training" my cheeks are aching from overuse. I've never smiled so much in my life.

My feet are killing me because she's had me prancing around in heels all afternoon, and I'm sick of keeping up a cheery tone when all I want to do is shout. Shout at everyone. Shout at Effie for making me act like a fool for the last four hours, shout at Haymitch for making Peeta and I pretend to be a team, and shout at Peeta, the stupid boy with the bread, who can't decide whether or not he wants to trust me.

One second he's covering for me about the Avox slip up and joking around with me in the hallways, and the next he's avoiding me and decides he doesn't want to be coached together anymore.

"Just remember, Katniss, you want them to like you. Smile. You're trying to get sponsors, you need to impress them." She says.

"You don't think they'll like me?" I frown. Great, even after all this practice, I'm still not any more likeable then I was before we started.

"Not if you glare at them the whole time. Pretend they're your friends." She says with a smile.

"They aren't my friends! They're taking bets on how soon I'll die. How can you expect me to like them?" I'm practically shouting now.

"You don't have to like them, just pretend." She says and then leaves.

Almost fifteen minutes later Haymitch walks in. "Alright, sweetheart. Effie says it's left to me to fix this one. What angle are we taking with this?"

I just shrug my shoulders in response. He stops to stare at me for a while.

It feels like it's been hours but I know it's just because I feel awkward standing here while Haymitch stares at me.

"What?!" I finally say. This is ridiculous, we aren't even doing anything. He's just wasting my time. _Not that I really have anything else to do, but this is still a waste of time_.

"I'm just trying to figure out what to do with you." He says.

"Well, what's Peeta's approach..? If I'm even allowed to ask that I mean.." I release a frustrated sigh. I hate this.

"He's going with 'Likeable'." Haymitch says with a smirk. "It'll be much more difficult to choose yours of course. But we won't know which one to pick until we've tried them all."

We've been going at this for three hours now. Three hours!

I sigh. This isn't working. We've tried everything from aloof to fierce to witty to humble. We tried funny, sexy, and mysterious. Apparently I'm none of the above.

Haymitch started drinking somewhere around witty and it's only gone downhill from there.

He groans at my last attempt to seem mysterious, and I must admit, it really was pitiful.

He throws his arms in the air in frustration. There seems to be a lot of that going around.

"I give up, sweetheart. Just try and answer the questions without showing the audience how openly you despise them." He finishes with a frown and stands to leave, leaving me alone to worry.

_What the hell am I going to do?_

That night, I eat dinner in my room. I just need to be alone.

I order an obscene amount of food and manage to finish most of it before having to stop after officially making myself sick.

I sit on the floor, trying to keep my food down and I find myself angry again. I'm angry at everyone. I hate it here.

I reach over and grab one of the empty plates on my bed and throw it against the wall.

I watch as it shatters and a hundred pieces fall to the floor. _Wow, that felt really good._

I do it again, and again, and again until finally I'm out of plates the throw. I look around me and find piles of broken glass. I sigh.

Then the door opens, and it's the Avox girl again. Her eyes widen at the broken glass all over the floor and she moves to pick it up.

"Stop! Leave it!" I shout at her.

She doesn't turn to leave though.

Instead, she goes into the bathroom and returns with a damp towel. She walks over to me and wipes off my tear stained face and then begins to clean the blood off of my hands. I didn't realize all the cuts I'd gotten.

I look up at her kind face. She owes me nothing, yet here she is, helping me.

"I should've tried to save you." I say.

She shakes her head then points to her mouth. I think she's trying to say I would've become and Avox, too.

"I'm sorry." And I truly am.

We spend the next couple of hours cleaning up the mess I've made and then she tucks me in to bed before leaving me to sleep.

The next morning, I wake up to my prep team.

It's up to Cinna to save the day, he's my last hope. The team works on me until late afternoon, drawing designs on my body and painting my nails. Then Venia starts on my hair, weaving strands of red into it and finishes it off with a braid down my back.

They do my makeup and then cover my entire body in some kind of gold dust.

Finally, Cinna walks in with my dress and instructs me to close my eyes. I feel the silky material making its way down my body, and then the forty pounds of weight that comes along with it.

_This dress is _so_ heavy! _

Octavia helps me put on my shoes and then someone turns me in the direction of a mirror I'm assuming, because when I open my eyes I see.. _Myself_?

_Oh! Cinna, you've done it again!_ My dress is entirely covered in gems of red, white, and yellow, with bits of blue to accent the flame design.

If I make the slightest movement, I'll look like I've been engulfed in a giant flame. I look amazing.

"Cinna, thank you!" I say with a huge smile.

"Turn for me." He says.

And I do.

"It's wonderful, Cinna." I say. My prep team seems to agree. We're all in awe. Cinna is truly a genius.

And then my smile turns into a frown, and Cinna doesn't fail to notice.

"What's the matter?" He asks.

"I'm going to be terrible up there. I'm not ready for the interview."

He smiles kindly at me. "Just be yourself, Katniss. They'll love you, girl on fire. Oh, and don't forget to twirl for the audience. Trust me," he says with a wink.

I find everyone outside of the elevator. Peeta looks amazing in a black suit with the same flame accents as me, but I'm glad to see we don't look identical.

When the doors open, we find the other tributes being lined up. In a way, I'm glad we're the last to go because it gives me some time to calm down, on the other hand, that means everyone else gets to impress the crowd before us, and since I don't have much to offer personality-wise, I'm kind of screwed.

Peeta definitely isn't going to have that much trouble; he's always been good with people. He's just so _likeable_.

We line up behind the others and Effie and Haymitch leave to take their seats.

One by one, the tributes make their way onto the stage, and as each interview passes by, I find myself panicking even more.

Cato, the boy from District 2, is next up. He's been giving me weird looks all night and I can't help the chills that race though my body as we make eyes contact once again.

Peeta can sense me freaking out, but I ignore the look he gives me. I don't need to explain myself to him.

I need some water to calm my nerves. I leave the line and walk down a small hallway that we walked through to get here.

I remember seeing a drinking fountain there. I walk up to it and gratefully drink some cold water. It helps a little, but I'm still shaking.

I fix my hair and turn to go back out to where all the other tributes are and I find Cato leaning against the wall next to me.

I manage to stop myself from jumping, but it's obvious I'm uncomfortable. He smirks at me and my stomach tightens. _I hate him_.

I somehow keep my voice steady. "What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be in line? You're next."

"Nah, I've got a couple more minutes. Besides, I've been meaning to talk to you, but you're always with your district partner." He says.

"What do you want?" I practically spit at him.

"Take it easy, 12." He says with a sickening smile as he leans closer to me and puts both of his hands on either sides of my face against the wall, managing to trap me against him and the wall.

I try not to panic, but I don't know what to expect from him. For all I know, he could be planning to kill me now.

"Get away from me!" I shout, while attempting to push him away.

This makes him laugh. _Oh, lovely, he finds me amusing now, does he? _

I manage to raise my knee and I make contact with my goal.

He lets out a gust of breathe and I watch as his eyes change from cocky to furious. He raises his hand as if to hit me and then something stops him. Someone grabbed hold of his arm and I look over to find that it was Peeta.

Cato turns to hit him instead as one of the Capitol people rounds the corner and finds the three of us.

"Is there a problem here?" He asks.

Cato lowers his fist and shakes his head "No".

"Good, you're up District 2." The Capitol person says.

Cato looks at me before leaving. "Watch yourself, girl on fire. You won't last long in the arena when there's no one around to protect you."

Peeta and I are left alone in the hallway. I'm shaking harder than before and I feel my bottom lip trembling.

_Cato is so infuriating_! I'm not necessarily afraid of him; I just hate how unpredictable he is. He's so sure I can't handle myself.

Peeta is watching me carefully and I become aware of the fact that I'm hyperventilating.

He gives me a worried look and surprises me by hugging me. I don't hesitate to hug him back. I'm fighting to keep myself from losing it right there, but how can I not?

Here Peeta is, yet again, acting like my friend. He's hugging me. And it feels so good. It feels right. How could he have known that's what I needed when I didn't even know it myself?

He pulls away and moves his hands to either side of my face, gently resting them on my cheeks.

"Are you alright, Katniss?" He asks and I know he genuinely cares. This isn't part of the act. He is truly worried about me.

I nod, even though I know I haven't convinced him, he doesn't press me for a better response, and I'm grateful for that.

"Come on, let's get back to the other tributes before someone comes looking for us."

He surprises me yet again by taking my hand.

_Why is he being so kind to me? Why am I letting him? Aren't I still mad? _It doesn't even matter._ He was there for me when I needed someone. He always manages to do that. To be there. To be my savior. _

"Peeta, thank you. For back there." I say quietly as we make our way back to the others.

He smiles. "No problem. I knew something was wrong when Cato followed you after you left. I didn't want anything to happen to you."

I don't know what to say to that. _Why would it matter? He's going to feel the same as Cato at this time tomorrow. He'll be planning to kill me like all the others_.

We get to the line and take our places. There are only seven people in front of us now. I wait in line, turning my back to Peeta and trying to tune everything and everyone out.

_Calm down, Katniss. It's fine. It's only an interview. Only a couple of minutes and then you're done. _

And then my name is being called. I make my way onto the stage and the crowd is already cheering. I hear the gasps as the audience takes in my dress and all of its beauty. This calms me somewhat.

I take a deep breath and sit down in the chair opposite Caesar Flickerman.

"Welcome Katniss Everdeen of District 12."

I smile as kindly as I can. "Thank you, Caesar."

"So tell me, what's your opinion of the Capitol so far? What do you like most?" He asks.

_Be yourself? Ugh, thanks Cinna. Hmm.. What's a good thing about the Capitol?_

"The lamb stew." I say, and he actually laughs. I give him a small smile in return, glad to see he's making light of my nervousness.

"That's my favorite, too." He says. "What about at the opening ceremonies. My heart literally stopped when I saw you. How did you feel?"

"Well, once I got over the fear of being burned alive, I was able to appreciate the beauty of the costume." I say. The whole audience is laughing now.

Caesar laughs and continues. "Your costume was truly amazing. Much like the dress you have on now."

"Isn't it lovely?" I say. And I take that as my opportunity to stand up and twirl. I spin once. The reaction is immediate. The audience is cheering louder than before and Caesar seems beside himself.

"Do that again?" He asks.

So I spin, and spin, and spin, until finally I have to stop.

Caesar reaches out to help me because I'm dizzy from all that spinning.

I find myself giggling but I can't help it. This feels amazing. I may actually have some sponsors after this and all it took was a couple of twirls.

I look over to see Cinna give me a thumbs up. I smile.

"Truly amazing." Caesar says.

We sit back down and he starts questioning me again. "So, about your score. Eleven, huh? Give us the details. What should we be expecting?"

I look around, feeling nervous again. I can't tell them. "Uhm, you'll just have to wait and see tomorrow." I say.

"Alright, then let's talk about why you're here in the first place. You volunteered. It was your sister who was called, can you tell us about her?" He asks.

I frown slightly, thinking of Prim. Thinking of home. "Yes, she's my sister, Prim. She's twelve and I love her more than anything."

"What did she say to you after the reaping?" He asks. The whole audience is silent, listening for my answer.

"She told me I had to try to win. That I needed to try and win so I could come home."

"And what'd you say to that?"

"I told her I would." I say sadly. I miss her so much.

"Well, we're out of time, but good luck Katniss Everdeen of District 12!"

And then I'm lead off the stage. I take a seat next to all the tributes and watch as Peeta steps onto the stage. I miss most of his interview because I'm too busy going over mine in my head, but when I'm finally brought back, I hear Caesar speak.

"So, a handsome guy like you must have someone back home that you're anxious to return to. What's her name?" He asks.

Peeta frowns as if trying to figure out how to word his answer. "There is one girl, and I've liked her for as long as I can remember. But she probably didn't even know I existed until the day of the reaping." The crowd makes sounds of sympathy and Caesar continues.

"Why not? Does she have someone?"

"I'm not sure, but a lot of guys at school like her." Peeta says sadly.

"That's not a problem!" Caesar says enthusiastically. "Win the games, return as a Victor and there's no ways she'll be able to resist you."

Peeta shakes his head sadly. "Winning won't really make a difference.."

"Why not?" Caesar asks, confused.

Peeta blushes bright red and I'm anxious to hear his response. He stammers, "Because.. She came here with me."

I'm in shock. _He talking about me?! _ I can feel the blush coloring my cheeks and I stare at the floor, wishing I could just hide somewhere.

"That's too bad." Caesar says and Peeta nods in agreement.

"Did she know you felt this way?" He asks. And I look up to see his face, but I regret it almost immediately because all cameras are facing me and my face is on all the screens. My reaction on display for all of Panem to see.

"No. Not until now." Peeta says.

"Well, good luck, Peeta Mellark. Our hearts go out to you." And the interviews are over. Peeta steps off the stage and goes to sit down beside me. I can't look at him.

Everyone stands for the anthem and then we're lead back to the elevators to return to our floors. I step into an elevator with a few other people and the doors close.

Peeta must've gotten on another. When I finally arrive at my floor, I find Peeta in the hallway, having just gotten off of his elevator. I immediately make my way over to him and surprise him by shoving him. He loses his balance and falls, knocking over a vase in the process and landing on the shattered glass.

I watch as his palms begin to bleed, pushing all feelings of guilt out of my mind and grasping on to all the anger I felt moments ago.

"What the _hell_ was that for?" He shouts.

"Why did you do that? Why would you do that to me?" I shout back.

Effie, Haymitch, Cinna and Portia get off of the next elevator and see what's happening.

"What's going on?" Asks Haymitch as Effie walks over to help Peeta up.

"She shoved me." Peeta says angrily.

Haymitch turns to me. "Why?"

"He made me look weak in front of all of them!" I shout. How dare he make me seem like some pathetic girl he's got a crush on.

"He made you _desirable! _Don't you see? You were fine, but your interview didn't leave a lasting impression."

I look away, not wanting to hear his excuse but Haymitch continues, "Without Peeta, you'd have been forgotten. Now you're the star-crossed lovers of District 12! The people love you, the people will root for you, and the people will sponsor you. Don't you see that?" Haymitch asks, annoyed with me.

This is starting to make sense, but I'm still mad they didn't include me on it. _Why wasn't I told of this plan? Why was I the only one left in the dark?_

"She's just worried about how her boyfriend will react to all of this," Peeta seethes, still red in the face. I detect a strange emotion tingeing his words, but force myself to ignore it. I don't have enough patience to try and decipher how he's feeling right now.

Instead, I glare at him. "I don't have a boyfriend."

"Whatever." He says.

It's silent for a few moments, and realization hits that I shouldn't be mad, because once again he's helped me. And of course, all I've done to repay him is injure him the day before we go into the Games.

"Peeta, I'm sorry for shoving you." I finally say.

He shrugs.

"Are your hands alright?" I ask.

"They will be." He mumbles before turning to leave, heading, I can only assume, to his room.

Once we've all calmed down, we have a dinner filled with silence and finish the night off by watching the recaps of tonight's interviews.

As the screen goes dark, I stand to leave, not bothering to say goodnight to the others before making my way to my room.

I lay in bed, thinking of tomorrow, with a thousand thoughts swarming in my mind.

I can't help but wonder if Peeta was telling the truth.. If this isn't an act and he does have feelings for me.

_Is that why he volunteered?_

It makes no sense. _Why volunteer and have to chance killing me yourself?_

_No, he can't possibly feel that way_. I sigh, exhausted from the day's events.

I'll probably never get the chance to ask him why he's here. We'll never finish our conversation from the roof the other night. I doubt we'll talk much tomorrow, and I don't plan on having any encounters once we enter the Arena.

I don't know what he's planning on doing, or if he plans on coming after me, but I know that no matter what happens, the least I can do is try to stay away from him.

We need to wake up and be ready to leave early in the morning. All of our final goodbyes need to be said by then.

I close my eyes and try to sleep, knowing that I'll need all the rest I can get, but I can't stop myself from worrying.

My last thoughts before sleep overcomes me leave me feeling terrified.

_I'm not ready for this. I'm not ready to die. _


End file.
